Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
