I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
