i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
