I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
