yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
