He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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