I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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