we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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