If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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