He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
