Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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