i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize