my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Acid is not a monday night drug
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
