lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
