we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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