butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
