My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
