The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
FUCK WHALES
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
