Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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