I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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