are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Randomize
