she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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