I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
