Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
