distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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