i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
