I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
where are you?
Hypothermia
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
