So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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