he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
