Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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