I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
