My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
