pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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