my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I wear drunk well.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
