so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
