What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
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Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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