Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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