You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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