i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Randomize
