So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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