are you so shy because you have an std?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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