never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There's always time for handjobs
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
