dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
