One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
