I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
