How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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