Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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