She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
