I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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