Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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