my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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