how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
