So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
