Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
