Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
