we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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