tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Ladies don't puke and tell
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
