just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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