I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
