How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
