but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
