Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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