Pappa wants mamma naked
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
