So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
