My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
