So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
