Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
