Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
