I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
