There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
