so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
