Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think your dad took our porno
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
