Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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