I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
