I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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