Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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