trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
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My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
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We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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