Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
