Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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