my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
