you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
