I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
