i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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