and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
why do cheetos always look like penises
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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