Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
